toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
