I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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