So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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