i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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