why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
