i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
