me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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