Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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