Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
