when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
