I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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