Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize