I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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