There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
