After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
