Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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