I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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