Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
