This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
