Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
