Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
