Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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