Just fell off a train. Bad.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
