I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
