Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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