So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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