I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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