For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
