I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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