Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
