I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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