My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize