her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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