Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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