its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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