I'm so fucking centered right now
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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