My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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