I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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