totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
