You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
