there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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