On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
