You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
