if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
