I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize