I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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