bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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