Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
