My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
