he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
