i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
