i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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