so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
