I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize