wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize