Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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