ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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