i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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