I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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