he wants to bone in the snuggie
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
