You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Houston, we have a squirter
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
