wat bout pragnant strippers??
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
