you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
