Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
