dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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