Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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