I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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