please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize