My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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