i don't plan on having that self control this summer
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
