So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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