Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
