ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
