I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
