Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
