the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
