I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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