I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
even my farts smell like vagina
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize