Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
