Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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