i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
