Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
