I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm too high and old for this...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
