NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
