I'm going to jail i love you
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
