Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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