I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
