I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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