and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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