im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
