On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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