My nipple is on Facebook.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
