I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
