I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I am available for nakedness
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
