also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
