I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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