Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize