Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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