turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize