i think my tv is drunk
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
