My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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