the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
